Eee oop lads an lasses, aw just got back from t'Weedy Shack poofters. Aw tried ta settle there, ba aw canna stand tha fookin Julie fookin Andrew bird screech an ar that. An them southern jessies ad naw lard or t'grub fa t'growing lad leek me.
Naw arm sittin doon t' a Spam an bacon butty with cream and onions - fookin boss man! Fookin boss! A few years agaw Ida ad a wank affer a little snack, but naw ar canny reach ma cock mon! Eee ba eck as leek, appen as not arl ave me another butty instead.
It oll reet fer yous lot, with yer pooftah mates and looovers this Xmas. But whot abooot me sen, oll on me t'oon this festive season. With nowt but t'can oof speacial brew and t'wank mag fer cooompany leek.
And t'think oll thee reeelly wants is a reet neece pair oof t'pissflaps, joost leek t' oones that hung between me mams legs. T'reet fine pair of pissflaps leek a two rubbery flat fish slappin agin me thighs. A wonderful mix of ladies muff and t'bacon sandwich.
Why oll yous coonts, if thee had a reet neece pair of t'pissflaps, thee would stick oone ter each of me sens cheeks leek a pair of fleshy Dickensian mutton chops and walk abroad this day wishing yous oll....
A MERRY FOOKING PISSFLAPS BY ECK AS LEEK, APPEN AS NOT.
Christmas is t'coomin Yon goose is gerrin fat soo stick yers fookin head in t' our mams twat. If yers not gorra head, then a fist i'll do If yers not gorra fist, then fook ooof you ya coonts by eck as leek
Aw noo mon, arv gonan lost me cock! Ar saw t'old fella last Thursday, but t'day thas nought there at'll. Wha tha fook am ar goona do without ma puddin!!!!! Al ma ladies arl goo bonkers mon, not getin a bit a ma man meet Boss, eek as leek!
